Sunday, January 18, 2009

Today Dave and I attended Jacob's memorial service in NYC. Our friend Amy, Alec's mom, made the trip in with us and it was nice to have her along. The day seems somewhat of a blur to me, so I can't imagine how Nancy and Michael and the rest of Jacob's family feel right now.

Their family is Jewish, and we had never been to a Jewish service so we didn't know exactly what to expect. The service was at the JCC in the city. There were so many people that we all couldn't fit in their auditorium. Nancy spoke first, how she made that speech I don't know. She was calm and composed in true "Nancy" fashion.

I will never forget the first time I saw Nancy, her husband Michael and her parents. They were in the cafeteria next to the hospital in Boston where both Hannah and Jacob had radiation. Dave and I were there with Hannah trying to coax her into eating, and as we walked out they called us over. We knew that they must be the new family in town for radiation. It was Jacob's first day. I'll never forget how "together" they looked. I knew how they were feeling on the inside, but on the outside, they looked like they were enjoying a normal family lunch.

Hannah was in her wheelchair that day, the big clunky version with the headrest. Nancy spoke directly to her, which so many adults were afraid to do. Nancy spoke to Hannah first, the most important person there for that moment. I still remember that. Today Nancy spoke directly to Jacob and about Jacob. Nancy spoke not only to us, but to Ben, Jacob's little brother who is only 8 years old. Ben and Jacob were brothers and best friends. Each family member spoke about their fondest memories of Jacob. About their weekend bake sales in the city, about Jacob's interests, his strengths and his courage. I think the strong and courageous ones there today were his family. The rest of us were there to show our support and our love for them but in reality they supported us. We are grieving with them.

It just breaks your heart, so many children out there without their brother or their sister because they died of cancer. As Peggy says, we can't pretend to know God's will in all of this tragedy, we just have to offer ourselves up to his plan. As Jacob's father Michael said, when your parent dies, you are an orphan. When your spouse dies, you are a widow. But, there is no word for you when your child dies except heartbroken. Tonight, our hearts are broken too.

♥Kim