Wednesday, January 8, 2009

Hannah went to clinic yesterday for her regular checkup. All of her counts now, except her white cell count are within normal levels, which is good to see. Hannah has been doing better since we started her on the exlax, but we are still trying to get the dosage right, sometimes the medicine itself gives her stomach pain, which is usually relieved after she makes a trip to the bathroom.

Yesterday though, she started having stomach pains on the way into the hospital. By the time we got there, she really wasn't feeling that well at all. By the time we got to see the doctor and got into his office, she was crying She said her eyes just wouldn't stop watering. I hadn't seen her with a stomach like that in a while, well at least since before Christmas. It lasted for a while and then we stopped on the way home so she could visit the bathroom, and then she seemed better and ate some lunch (our tradition after clinic now is Olive Garden.)

This morning she woke up and didn't feel very well. She ate only 2 crackers on the way to school. I got a call at 11:30 this morning from the nurse, she had not eaten snack and now was not eating lunch. Hannah told me that whenever she put food in her mouth, she felt like she was going to throw up. She came home and then slept until 4:30 this afternoon. Usually after that long, she feels better, eats a bunch and all is well. Not today, she just kept saying she didn't feel very well. She finally had a popsicle, then a small bit of popcorn at 9pm. She said she felt a little better, but still had a stomach ache. There is a bad stomach sickness going around at the school and many people have it. I'm wondering if this is a touch of that. We'll see how she is doing tomorrow. Here she is with her popsicle and her guard dog.

I had a lot of hopes for this exlax to finally give her some relief from these stomach aches that she has had for over a year now. I hope she is still on that path of recovery and that this is just a bump in the road for her.

Many have been asking about Coleman, so I thought I would cut and paste his mom Peggy's words last posted on Coleman's site. She is one special person. Be sure and watch the video at the end, I just can't believe he's gone.


Today the world may have cried a river of tears for a little boy’s life that ended way too soon, but we believe Heaven is REJOYCING over Coleman’s job well done.

Coleman was an amazing child of God and we were so honored to be chosen as his parents.

He left this world at 10:45 last night- he fought HARD until the very end, not wanting to give up, but finally letting go. He was a warrior and a hero our hearts will forever miss. We had the most glorious five years together- a gift we will never forget.

A quick story. :)

One day Coleman heard someone say they were mad at God. He didn’t say a word, but later came to me with this complete look of disbelief on his face and asked, “mommy? did you hear them say they were mad at DOD? WHY would they say that?” He couldn’t even fathom the thought. Then he raised his little eyebrows and said, “well, I hope they don’t say that in PUB-WIC (public)!” and walked away. He knew there were some things he could not change, but HIS faith never wavered.

Lots of people have mentioned their anger toward God …how can He let this happen when so many people have been praying for Coleman? Why didn’t he answer our prayers?

I just can’t be angry at Our God who sent Coleman to us in the first place. Coleman was a child of God, WE were chosen to be his parents- and how blessed we were. Maybe my feelings will change, but like Coleman, I can’t imagine being angry at God. Would we have loved to have had more time with Coleman? YES! I want him back right now, but I know that’s the selfish part of me talking. I know I will hurt more than I can ever imagine in missing him…and I know I will have MANY days of heartache and anger, but my anger is over the fact we live in a world where we can do so much, but still do not have a cure for this horrific disease. Children are paying the price for that. More on that will come-

I guess what I’m saying is I know for a fact, Coleman would NOT want us to be mad at God. He taught us so much in his time here. His lessons will go on for a very long time. He knew where he came from and he knew where he was going. My heart aches for more time, but I’m SO thankful for the time we got with him, and we know we WILL be with him again. God doesn’t always answer our prayers in the way we want him to…HIS ways are not ours, and that’s hard to accept, but true. It doesn’t mean I don’t question it- it’s hard to understand, but one day we WILL know.

Many people have asked how Caden is doing. Now that’s a long story, but we have assured him that we love him. He is dealing the best way he can- just like us.

I turned my desk Praying Parent calendar today, and thought I’d share what it said…
“We are dependent on God to enable us to raise our child properly, and He will see to it that our child’s life is blessed. One thing I have learned is that I should not try to force my own will on my child in prayer. I have found it is better to pray more along the lines of “Lord show me how to pray for this child. Help me to raise him Your way, and may Your will be done in his life.”
I believe God’s will was done through Coleman. I know it.

For those inquiring:
We will celebrate Coleman’s life on Saturday, Jan. 10th at 10:30 a.m. at Our Saviour’s Lutheran Church in Callender. Visitation will also be at the church on Friday the 9th after 4:00p.m.

Instead of flowers, we’d love donations made to
The Hospice House of Fort Dodge, Iowa
The Ronald McDonald House of Iowa City

We’d like to thank EVERYONE who has helped our family along this journey the past two and a half years. We will never be able to explain how much we appreciate the support for our Team. Our carepage family is the BEST!
To the hospice house- you will always have a special place in our hearts. You made the most difficult time of our lives one filled with love. Nadine and your staff, God bless you. I know Coleman would like us to thank you as well for making his last days as comfortable as possible for him- and for us all.

Here is one of my favorite pictures of Coleman…

God bless you baby. Coleman said long ago, "some day I won't need NO more meds or pokes, wight mommy?” No more sweetie. You are free.

One more story to share…thanks again Nadine.
The Parable of the Twins-

Once upon a time, twin boys were conceived in the same womb. Weeks passed and the twins developed. As their awareness grew, they laughed for joy, “isn’t it great that we were conceived? Isn’t it great to be alive?”
Together the twins explored their world. When they found their mother’s cord that gave them life, they sang for joy, “how great is our Mother’s love, that she shares her own life with us!”
As weeks stretched into months, the twins noticed how much each was changing. “what does it mean?” asked the one. “It means that our stay in this world is drawing to an end, said the other. “But I don’t want to go”, said the other, “but maybe there is life after birth.” But how can there be?” responded the other one. “We will shed our life cord, and how is life possible without it? Besides, we have seen evidence that others were here before us and none of them have returned to tell us that there is life after birth. No, this is the end.”
And so the one fell into deep despair, saying, “If conception ends in birth, what is the purpose of life in the womb? It is meaningless! Maybe there is no mother after all?” “But there has to be,” protested the other. “How else did we get here? How do we remain alive?”
How you ever seen our mother?” said one. “Maybe she lives only in our minds. Maybe we made her up because the idea made us feel good?”
And so the last days in the womb were filled with deep questioning and fear. Finally, the moment of birth arrived. When the twins had passed from their world, they opened their eyes and cried for joy. For what they saw exceeded their fondest dreams.
Author Unknown

OH OH OH I have to say too-
Dr. Woods from Des Moines and Dr. Gilheeney from NY who called us personally- GOD BLESS YOU! Our world needs more doctors like you. It means so much to us. We will never forget your compassion. Thank you.

Blessings to you all,
Nev-va Div up-
Team Larson

UTUBE is going to pull this video because of the song used, so I thought I'd try to post it and see if it's still viewable...Cman and his bunny foo-foo. That bunny helped him through many hard times, and he still twirled the ribbon even on the high doses of morphine. This is Cman's second bunny after he lost his beloved first. A story of LOVE...

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