Thursday, September 4, 2008

Our first day back to school today, hard to believe. Each year I take a video of the girls before school and after school on their first day. An interview of sorts, it's always interesting to look back at the years prior and compare them. Today as I was looking back at last year's video. Hannah had no hair and she almost appeared green in the video. Her eyes looked tired and worn, but her spirit was still there. What a difference for this year. She looked happy and healthy, perky and upbeat. For some reason, we skipped 2nd grade interviews, but I did look back at 1st grade. I couldn't believe it when Hannah was sitting there after school with a cold rag on her head, talking about how her head hurt in the cafeteria because it was "too loud" and she had to go to the nurse on the first day of school. FIRST GRADE!! She wasn't diagnosed until midway through 2nd grade. I hate that. Unfortunately, my video camera won't connect to the computer, so I can't download it here, but I plan to put it on disc soon so that I can share it. But, here are a few pictures of the girls from this morning. I can't believe Colby is now in 6th grade. It's the last year for her in the elementary school. I keep calling her "the big cheese", which she just seems to love (ha ha).

Although Hannah was happy and perky this morning, it all broke down when we got to school. I walked her in, and we met Mrs. W (her aide and good friend) in the lobby. I went to leave and Hannah became upset. I talked to her a bit, and then some other adults became involved in trying to get her to head down to her classroom. She was being torn from me, at first crying, then screaming and reaching out "mommy, mommy." I was taken into the nurse's office, shaken too. I should have just taken Hannah aside and talked with her for a few moments. Hannah will do what she knows she has to, but not by being forced. You can't liken her to a new kindergartner on their first day. It's different for her, it will always be different, and it will have to be handled differently. Everyone kept telling me how she would be fine after I was out of sight, but she wasn't. She wouldn't go into her classroom for a while, and even after she finally did, she remained upset and withdrawn for quite a while. By lunchtime, Mrs. W reported that she had finally turned the corner and warmed up. The rest of the day went well.

Colby had even made Hannah a deal this morning over breakfast. If Hannah didn't cry this morning she would get two dollars-out of Mom's wallet (that's Colby the dealmaker for you, don't know how I became involved!!) She would also get another dollar (out of mom's wallet again) for a whole day without crying. Guess it just wasn't in the cards for Hannah this time. I talked to Hannah about it tonight and she said she was just scared and didn't want me to leave. I get that-it was the first day of school, but beyond that, the first day of something new for her. This is how she is, this is the way I expect it to be for her for a very long time. I'm ok with that, even if others aren't. I guess if she still cries for me on her first day of a new job, maybe I'll be prying her off of me myself :) I expect tomorrow to be much better. Keeping my fingers crossed.

So, what are you all doing tomorrow night at 8pm (ET)?? We'll be watching Stand Up 2 Cancer. There will be a piece on Childhood Cancer, and some of our dear cancer friends will be in the audience-Mimi (Julian's mom) and Michelle (Bailey's mom), along with Pearce and her family (actually up on the podium.) Hope you can watch with us. A lot has been said on many children's web pages recently about raising awareness for Childhood Cancer, about how most people don't know or don't care about childhood cancer. I don't think that people don't care, I think that people just don't know. What did I know about kids and cancer before this? It's ironic that only a couple months before Hannah was diagnosed, I sent my first ever donation to St. Jude's hospital. It was only a $25 donation, but a start I thought. I never thought it would be OUR start. You know how those commercials always tout "it could be your child." How true that is. It's not that I didn't care before, it's that it wasn't part of my world. It needs to be a bigger part of this world, of everyone's world. Our children are our future, they need to be around...happy and healthy and cancer free!



Anonymous said...

Hello there Team Hannah!
Oh... boy.. first day of school did sound a bit rough. But.. she did it and maybe she will get better and be running off with the other kids soon. I hope. I couldn't even leave Kasey alone at school. He wasn't upset, but he wasn't going to put in any effort if I wasn't there, no one at his new school knows him or how he is at all, so I found myself writing notes to the teachers. Finally, I just wrote one note and photocopied it to give to the rest of his teachers. Should be interesting.
I hope you guys have great weekend and that this lyme disease stuff gets gone for you.
Thinking of you all and I am recording that Stand Up 2 Cancer show for sure.
Hugs and prayers for a good school day today and Monday.. Tuesd.. ect.
Amy... Kasey's mom

2awesomekidz said...

I got your blog off of Cole's page. I look forward to reading through this and getting to know you and the family. I just lost my son to a rare mitochondrial disorder on July 27, 08. I now from his site have met alot of families not only with mito but with cancer as well! His CB is on my blog